Just Campin’

Why do we order life, or rather think life should be ordered, for our comfort and ease? We spend time accumulating, building, investing in things that fade like freshly picked flowers.
Lately, I have been challenged by the Spirit and God’s word to think on life in light of eternity. This momentary circumstance (whether infertility, not having your house be what you want, having trouble with your child’s behavior, the loss of a child, an extremely hard marriage, a less than fulfilling job) is about more than just it’s resolution. This life, lasting from 70 to 80 years or more is practice for eternity. It is a training ground…a refining ground, rather. This sin entrenched, hard world is not the end. It is the place and time to learn what it is to know repentance, know Christ and make him known. It is the time where we are made more like him clinging to the fact that that work will be complete in us when we meet him (Philippians 1:6).
It is so easy to make my goal ease and personal comfort thinking “this is the only life I have to live, I deserve…” But, that my friends is the farthest from the truth. Jesus told us that in this world we will have trouble. James encourages us to count it all joy when we face trials of many kinds (James 1) because the testing of our faith produces steadfastness (and steadfast love is a character trait of our Lord). We are tried, and that testing is used in the process of becoming more like him. Our reward is not here…it is in heaven and on the new earth where there will be no more pain for ETERNITY, where we will have been totally transformed, where we have perfect fellowship with one another, where we will enjoy God fully. So, when you are thinking, “my life sucks…”–it might. But, in Christ, our hope is not in the now to fill us.
I was walking on Cherokee Blvd today looking at beautiful houses–immaculate landscape–prime real estate. Those fortresses will crumble, but those are often our goal–to consume now. (not that if you live there you are sinning–just depends on what is in your heart). Then, I thought, those in Christ are aliens here. This is not our home. We are merely camping.
When you go camping, you do not expect lavish comfort or a fulfilling night’s sleep. You know what you are in for and enjoy it–the company, the “roughing” it. You do not expect the tent to be like home. I think we all need to be reminded that we are camping–not looking for our home here, not expecting comfort or ease of situation when it is not promised. And, just like camping, we learn many good skills and take time to invest in relationships along the way preparing us and bringing us joy when we think of our bed at home…the feast that awaits at home. Camping is not the end just as this world is definitely not the end. In the light of eternity, this is a flash. Just as Paul says, these “momentary troubles are not worth mentioning” compared to the glory of knowing him forever. I always need a dose of reminder of his truth instead of building a house and life for “my” comfort and ease and getting highly frustrated when it does not work. So, my prayer is to remember that my reward is in heaven. God give me grace to seek your truth and your ways and your glory above me.

Faithful Friends

When you are going through a tough time and do not even know how to pray…God sends faithful friends. When you can barely get out of bed let alone clean the tub…God sends faithful friends. He is the most faithful of friends even when our thoughts and actions are unfaithful…even when we have not an ounce of faith.
God has reminded me of this truth this week. Friends on facebook, friends on the phone, friends who get a babysitter and drive up from more than an hour away to help clean my house, friends who have been through the journey I am walking who say “I totally understand,” friends who have not been on the same path but still listen and pray and provide a place for authenticity have all ministered to me this week.
I am a listener, counselor, encourager, nurturer, but I do not know how to accept that from others very well. It is in a time of struggle where God teaches the beauty of himself and community when I know I need them and let them serve. It is through the give and take that we understand him more and grow more. This hormone fog will pass, but I pray the growth and the lesson will not. We need one another–we were made that way. Our greatest need(s) are met in Him and Him alone, but He uses the body to minister, love, encourage, rebuke, etc.
I thank Him that He is the definition, the example of faithfulness and that that faithfulness is lived out through his precious children.

A blur

This past week has brought a lot of surprises. Our friends, Jacob and Beth Winn, went to the hospital last Monday, had to have an emergency C-section, and had their twins 11 weeks early. It was a scary time for them, and it was a joy to be with them and pray and support. Lilly Claire and Davis are both in the NICU and have wonderful care there. Beth and Jacob are already showing the beauty of Christ through their parenting (however excrutiatingly far they may feel from the sweet ones). Knowing their journey of infertility and now preemies, I know God is doing something bigger than just the circumstance. But, in all of their stress, they need prayer from all of us.
It was not an accident that my last blog post talked about my morning with God last Monday. Only an hour after spending intense time in the word and prayer for my eyes to look beyond myself to his purposes and to serving others, I got the call from Greg that Jacob and Beth were headed to the hospital. Then, soon after, we were there awaiting the twins’ arrival. God certainly provided me an opportunity for the love and care of his people last week. I am thankful that the verses of rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances stuck to my heart that day. If I stayed in the land of me, I would have missed the joy and the pain of others in the day. I would have missed the opportunity to walk in the good works that God had prepared for me.
I now sit in a cloud of thoughts. I have had a hard week emotionally on hormones for infertility (I believe this is the fourth month in a row that I have been on them–and a month before that I was on them). It takes double work to rest in his truth when my mind is in a cloud of thoughts that drag me down. I long to trust Him. I have made a decision to take a month off of hormones next month. I am weary and need a break–a break to simply rest in Him and not count days, take tests and have to deal with the intense mood swings and hot flashes and depressive thoughts. I want to live life today….rejoice, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances. My body and mind need a rest from the hormones to regroup and be refreshed in him. It is hard not to be defined by something such as infertility when the meds you have to take from it so throw a huge challenge to your thinking and emotions. I ask for prayer for my thoughts and my attitudes, etc as I walk out the effect of the rest of this month.
So, I look to this week. I long to trust Him each day taking steps to keep up with life, appointments, cleaning, shopping. I need to clean my tub, do laundry, write letters for WDC, serve my friends, love my husband well, meet with my girls. Life goes on, and God is good and faithful and an ever present help in time of trouble.

Lift my eyes

This morning I was awakened by circumstantial disappointment. My first thought–to be to myself and skip the time of fellowship with God. (This is my default when sad–ironically enough). However, I knew the battle would be lost there. So, I came to him truthful, disappointed in the hope I had put in circumstance, and prayed from his word. His truth lifted my eyes above circumstance. I have such small sight…I long for too little. I long for comfort and conformity to the world and self-worship. He brought me to thankfulness…to a view of him that transcends circumstantial wants and fears. I am thankful and amazed that the God of the universe has shown me such grace–and I am convicted that I trust him and hallow him very little.
So today I leave you with the prayer I prayed for myself and others from Ephesians 3:14-21

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father (Daddy), from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith–that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations, forever and ever. Amen”

Oh Daddy, may my first thought not be self (self-pity, self-preservation, self-worth) today. May my first thought be on the fullness of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge…the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord (Phil 3:8). May I rejoice in you–in the fullness of you. May I count ALL things as loss in order to gain Christ and be found in him–without a righteousness from me but him (Phil 3:9). Forgive me for wanting too little–comfort and ease, children, a house of piddly treasures, safe finances, self-importance. Give me a vision for loving you with everything.

Buzzword: Community

“You need to get in a community group…small group…Bible study, to do life together.” A true statement that is said at churches all across America every week. People seek community in many ways–facebook, twitter, knitting groups, neighborhood bars, Bible studies, families, fishing clubs, sororities/fraternities, Junior League, play groups, etc. We have all seen what we are like with people and have experienced the drought that comes without people. We’ve experienced true friendship that binds and the mere existence of someone just to “do something” with.
I think we all would agree that relationships are enriching and important. They can be so good for us. They take time, commitment, investment and perserverence. They teach us so much about ourselves and about God. But, what if we have made them the “it”, the ultimate?
Making something good ultimate is one definition of idolatry. When we begin to pursue something over our pursuit and worship of God, it is our idol. I think it would be wise to examine ourselves to see if community has become the encouraged and acceptable idol. Does our family take precedence over everything? (That is encouraged to be, but that can subtly become your idol.) Does your commitment to your spouse, kids, friends, small group drive you? (That sounds good, but look at the subtlety of the heart.)
The 1st commandment says –you shall not have any other gods before me. We are all worshipers of something. That is the way we were made. Some worship family, friends, career, nature, leisure, sex, their bodies, food, fun, their church, children, fertility, theology…I could go on. All of those things listed are not bad in and of themselves, but when made the ultimate, we have put them before God and they distract and destroy us.
I think if we really listen that we may have encouraged others to make community an ultimate. Community will not satisfy you. It is hard because people are involved. If you look to it as your object of worship, you will be disappointed and miss the ultimate One to worship. All of our idols leave us disappointed and wanting (and then we blame him for not filling us through them). God does not communicate the commandments to us as some master rules list to smite us. In all his wisdom, he knows that relationship with him is the ultimate fulfillment. He knows that we are satisfied only by loving him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. That is only accomplished through the grace and life of Jesus, for we cannot do that on our own.
Community can enhance our relationship with God–encouraging us, directing us, helping us grow, helping us learn to serve. It is the means by which we may learn more about God’s character, his love, his faithfulness. However, check yourself. Are you in community to serve and help others to grow ultimately to love God or yourself? Are you looking for what it can give you? Are you trusting God in the season you are in or are you questioning him because you are not fulfilled with friends and community? Do you run from people because they are hard and not meeting your needs or are you trusting God and his word and learning to love them as yourself?
When being “intentional” and having in-depth conversation and living together in community is talked about more than the hope of the gospel…more than adoring Christ, more than exalting and knowing him…we have made it an idol. When good becomes ultimate it is time to repent and fall on the grace of Christ.

Death is not Dying

This video takes an hour to watch, but it is a candid talk of truth and life by a 37 year old woman who is dying of cancer. God really used it to turn my heart to him in trust and to remind me of his person and truth.

Letting go…

This has been a particularly emotional week for me. It started last week with the preparations for my niece, Brittany’s wedding (where in the process, I began taking double the amount of hormones for infertility).
The wedding was wonderful, even though, it was an adventure with rain and relocation. Instead of outside in the rain at 7 pm, we all moved to Calvary Baptist last minute and had a beautifully simple wedding at 7:45. Not the thing you dream for as a bride, but I do not know if I have been witness to a more heartfelt, truth-oriented, Christ exalting wedding. The pomp and circumstance was stripped—and I think that people could see that Jesus is truly the most important thing to Ben and Britt. The reception was held outside–it stopped raining and was a pleasant temperature. I had a lot of fun, but it flew by.
After the wedding, we were exhausted. There was an emotional aspect I did not expect though. I feel like life had flown like the reception. Because my sisters are older, I have had a very unique experience being an aunt at a young age. In that, I have been the older fun sister type figure, the authority figure, and I have learned a lot about the joys and pains of parenting. This is the first niece or nephew to make this huge commitment into adulthood–to forge a new family where the allegiance lies there first. The nature of things change,,,and there is a sense of mourning as I see that and yet rejoicing (because it is good). I must learn to let go and let the relationship evolve. I was reminded at the rehearsal dinner of tender moments with a chubby faced 2 year old, a precocious 4 year old, an encourageable 6 year old, an independent 17 year old…I have been blessed with B and the relationship we have. Life does not stop, though. It is always changing–we cannot pause. So, I rejoice in the experiences we have had, and I look forward to the adult relationship we will continue to grow in. I look forward to encouraging her love and commitment to Ben in good and bad times.
In the line of work Greg and I are in, we see change all the time. I remember back to letting go of the first college students we invested in and loved on…Leah and Patti. It was painful and hard. Our life was rooted here, and everyone else was passing through on to the next phase. In the years following them, we have said goodbye to many, and I have gotten used to it. I realize that most relationships are for a season, and I thank God for those seasons. I also have realized that I am not as important as I thought I once was:). People get involved in their lives where they are (Just like I do). So, I have learned to invest well, and let go well.
This week marks a special letting go point for me, though. Tiffany, a young woman I have met with since she became a believer is moving with her new husband, Chris, to start a life in ministry in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. God has grown her mightily and me mightily as we have met together. In fact, I have learned a lot about forming WDC, writing curriculum, and leading through my relationship with Tiffany. I am not fearful to let go because she is ready. I am sad, though. I knew I was investing well for a season, and I have learned the urgency of doing that with others.
It is always bittersweet to let go. I know that growth will come, and that new opportunities will come for both parties. However, I also know that things will never be the same again. My friends in high school used to laugh at me as I would always say “we are never going to be together like this again…” It is true, but I know my hope does not lie in those relationships but in Christ. He teaches me that all the time.
This has been a letting go year for Greg and me in many ways. Last year at this time we let go of our small group that we had been in for seven years. At that time, I also let go of the small group I had led for 5 years. We have been learning to let go of our plans as Greg suffers with Rheumatoid Arthritis and we have been suffering with infertility. I have also seen us transitioning from young adulthood to middle adulthood. In reality, we have no control over plans. Often we put our hope in plans, and God has a totally different master plan–a relationally oriented plan instead of a mere circumstantial one.
All of these thoughts and experiences coupled with heightened hormones have brought some low times this week. There is an ache in me of grief that keeps swelling over infertility. And, in that, I am reminded to let go of my plans and expectations and have an eternal perspective. When I compare myself to others and their lives, I miss the picture of the hope and fulfillment I have in Christ–of his purpose to make me more like him, to bring deeper fellowship between me and him. This is preparing me for eternity (just as God is using motherhood to prepare hearts for eternity as well). Would I choose a child or intimacy with Christ? I choose Christ (not that having a child trades that–but to remember the perspective for now). This is an opportunity to know him and trust him that he is giving me. It is a place where the rubber meets the road—Do I really believe what I claim I believe? Is he really my treasure? Is he really the ultimate? When I look to his truth, YES. When I wallow in the treasures of this world, I forget. The balance is learning to deal with the ache and share it with him in trust. Letting go of my plan and surrendering to his good (which is the ultimate). And, taking the full opportunity today to pour into spiritual children. I am so thankful for relationships like those with Tiff, B, Mary, Laura, Liz, Kate, and Lillie that he is giving me right now. I REALLY AM THANKFUL.
The thing is, I know there will be a time that those relationships will change as well–with the addition of physical children. It will be another lesson of letting go. All of it for his purposes of making us more like him and for giving him glory. Life and circumstances here are temporary–whether the fast growth of a baby to adulthood, to the death of a loved one, to the loss of friendship and the beginning of a new one. I do not want to forget to enjoy what God has given in the now and trust him in his plans and ways for the future and rejoice and let go of the past.

A request

This week marks my niece, Brittany’s wedding. I ask that you pray for all the hearts of the people involved…that we may celebrate in joy together, love one another, be encouraging. Most of all, I pray for the glory of God in all of those things. I pray that he draw people to himself…that he set free those who are enslaved to their sins that they may live in relationship and praise to God. There are many who will participate in the wedding who do not have a relationship with Christ, and I pray that his truth be presented clearly in word and deed. The picture of marriage is Christ and his church…may that be the focus and picture of Britt and Ben’s marriage.

Brittany and Ben

An important read

God’s will…that phrase is thrown around in the Christian subculture, and yet, I think no one grasps the concept. We know less about God’s will from what his word says about it than what we have gathered by the osmosis of people’s opinions. I have come to the conclusion that most have a mystical view of what God’s will is…these stirrings of direction, superstitions, inklings instead of actually learning what he calls us to…holiness.
Couple that thought with the lengthening of adolescence in our culture (I know because I lived it not having a clue who I was or what I was doing when I got out of college), and we have a lost generation of people looking for fulfillment in some direction that is floating in the wind.
There is a new book out by Kevin DeYoung that is a must read for young adults and all adults–”Just Do Something.” It is a concise book about God’s will. He points back to God’s word and really challenges how we have let our culture and generation shape our understanding of God’s will. It is much more, shall we say, sexy to think that God has this “plan” for us to decifer that is not plain. However, he is very plain about what our lives are to be about–Jesus. Pick it up…and let’s discuss.

Give us this day…

These last few weeks and the coming one can qualify for some of the craziest I have experienced of late. All good things…just a lot of busyness in preparation for my niece’s wedding, welcoming my nephew home from semester at sea, running the business side of WDC, running the ministry side of WDC, celebrating the end of college careers for many close family members and those I have been in disciple-making relationships with, and then the regular responsibilities of life. I feel like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off…
Last week I got some time to “be with” God. I purposefully was not rushing off to the next appointment or writing my to do list. I actually took time to remember the gospel and what Jesus means to life. I remembered that he is there when I am weak and weary and heavy laden, and he promises rest and is humble and lowly in heart. I was reminded in scripture that we are to come as little children. The notes in my new ESV study Bible (which I love) said children show a childlike trust, a vulnerability, a dependency in everything knowing they cannot provide for themselves. Gulp. Oh the sweetness of being reminded that I am to be completely vulnerable and dependent upon him as a child. Oh the freedom of that. Oh the reminder that he gives us to not worry about tomorrow (a child does not), to ask for the needs of the day (a child does that in trust).
Another reminder was given to me yesterday as I read and studied in the hammock (a Sabbath tradition that I have not partaken of in a while).

Lamentations 3:22-24
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, says my soul,
therefore I will hope in him.

He is faithful beyond belief (especially beyond my belief). He is even faithful to gently remind me in his word that every morning starts with new mercy, new strength from him. In verse 25 he says “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” Matthew 6:33 says “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and these things will be added unto you as well.”
I stopped and recognized him instead of continuing to run around in my own self-absorption. I have to be reminded of that everyday. Life in Christ is much more simple than we try to make it…we let ourselves get engulfed by the noise of this world…internet, tv, social media outlets (facebook), busyness, task, productivity. Last week, I felt pulled in every direction…people asking me thousands of questions (it seemed), the more I checked email, facebook, blog, voicemail, texts, the more I had to respond. I was reminded of a Geoff Moore song from the early 90’s–

Simple heart beat in me until I can see a simple heart will set me free
to let extraordinary things flow through this heart of simplicity.

I took a break from Facebook. I knew I needed to simplify my schedule for this week. I cannot be all things to all people, but I know the one who is all that I need (all that we need). My prayer is to approach him as a little child in need, vulnerability, complete trust and with an eye for his glory. My prayer is to seek him first and wait upon him. He is my Daddy, my hope. May this week, even in craziness, glorify him, his purposes, his name. May I be with friends, family, strangers, new friends and have that childlike heart that loves and makes him known.