Trust

I am a worrier by nature. I hate it! Hate it! Hate it! I am constantly battling the creeping anxieties of the mind. I want to put to death those parts of me…and I am always in process with God in doing that.
My mind can get fixated on conversations, people’s choices, decisions I have to make, how I come across to people, finances, sharing the gospel, my own sin spiral.
I woke up this morning in that state of mind. And, I thank God that He met me once again in his faithfulness. How do I get so caught up in me that I forget his Sovereignty, His faithfulness, His power, His sufficiency? I spent some time reflecting on who He is. I read in Isaiah 55. I was reminded that His ways are so far above ours–so good–so merciful–so lovely. I benefit in my soul because He is so far above.
When I choose anxiety instead of trust, I think it is up to me to make things happen, to grow people, to convince, to discipline, to solve all the problems. Then, when I am reminded in His word of Truth, I am reminded that I am called to remain in Him–apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5). I am reminded to rest in Him. I am reminded that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it (Phil 1:6). I am reminded that nothing can separate me from His love (Romans 8). I am reminded that He works all things for the good–conformity to Christ (Romans 8:28-29). I am reminded that I am called to love Him with everything and love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22). I complicate things well by striving in me to earn something that is not mine to earn. I complicate things well by trying to convince others in my own power instead of resting on Him and His word.
In Isaiah 55:11, I am reminded of this blessed truth and the blessed character of God:

so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

I am reminded that He is more faithful than I can imagine. He is more about Himself than I could ever be. I am reminded that it is not up to me to frame God’s word to be more palpatable for the hearts around me. It is not up to me to make God seem to be what He is not…to couch the presentation of who He is in comfort. Who He is in His word–who He IS will change hearts and that Truth will not come back void. He has and is doing that in me, and He is doing that in others. May I take my eyes from the anxiety of my “affairs” and place them on the magnificence, the gloriousness, the faithfulness of Father God. May I evaluate every affair, every practice in my life by His word and not human practicality or tradition. Today, I remember to praise the One, Jesus Christ, who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead. The old dead way of life, anxiety, is replaced with the freedom to rest and trust in the all-sufficiency of Jesus Christ. May Truth transform my heart as those anxieties battle to creep in.

Remembering God’s Faithfulness

For those of you who go to church with me at Fellowship, this will be a reminder of yesterday’s sermon.
I awoke yesterday with the stirring in my heart from God that I needed to be disciplined about thankfulness. This was brought on by remembering that I had forgotten the total blessing God had given Greg and me by providing his Humira medicine so quickly and faithfully in the spring. I was already on to worrying about the here and now and not being thankful about how his provision had changed our life in the here and now. I read a chapter in a book about unthankfulness earlier this year that challenged me to be obedient and purposeful about thanking God in all things. God tends to bring everything together–He is good like that. He brought it all together yesterday in the sermon Rick Dunn preached on Hope. Rick challenged us to remember God’s faithfulness to us by giving us a passage in Nehemiah 9 to read (another one of my favorites is Psalm 106). So, yesterday, with more than ample urging from God, I spent time remembering with Greg.
I want to thank God for his faithfulness in:
Providing medicine and financial means for the medicine for Greg’s Rheumatoid Arthritis

giving me a husband who loves God’s word and knows Him–and gives way more grace to me than I do to him

Giving me new life in God through the blood of Jesus Christ

giving me hope and purpose

Healing my physical heart 5 years ago so that I may serve Him fully without fainting and fatigue

Providing a Rheumatologist that loves Greg and is a part of our church body

Leading us to Fellowship Church

Providing us with friends who are real and authentic

Leading me and gifting me to work with young adult women

Financial provision–house, cars, clothing, food, etc, etc

Giving me an earthly father who loved Jesus, showed me His love, was gentle and grounded me not to look to the world for affection to fill me up–who gave me plenty of hugs and kind words and disciplined me

giving us a dog that we enjoy laughing and playing with

Having grace on us to draw us deeper into His word–His truth year by year

Giving us examples of people who are real in their faith–who expose their hearts

Drawing my niece back into walking deeply with you after a time of unwise decisions

Providing a family that I enjoy being around–laughing with, sharpening

Calling me to UTK for college–with hard times, learning about God’s sovereignty

Showing me that obedience (ie going to UTK) oft times has a reason for the here and now and the later (I am now involved with college ministry on campus)

For the bringing the hardest 3 years of my life, thus far, to draw me more intimately to you–for every tear and frustration in coming to the end of myself, it has been worth it to know you in a way I never have before

What are you thankful for in remembering God’s faithfulness?

Margins

This past week has been really emotionally draining for me. It is one of those times where everything catches up with you. I realize that I forgot to remain in Him, and I decided somehow that I was in charge of coordinating life. No wonder I am exhausted. How do we so quickly forget?

Greg has really been struggling with the fatigue side of RA, and the doctor told him that this is the hardest part of the disease to accept. I think I have tried to make up for the strength that he has lost. I have been trying to figure out how to solve things and power up to make life run the way it is supposed to with both of us with full gun energy. My body and the Lord have told me that this is impossible. Sometimes I need tangible ways to learn these truths…and this week the tangibles are a smoking 3 month old lawnmower and a broken 6 month old carpet cleaner. The tools in which I can control things around me that look out of control (ie my lawn and muddy carpets–all from the much needed rain) are not working. I am reminded that in EVERYTHING God is in sovereign control. He is working all of these things for my good–the conformity to Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28 )

My emotional and spiritual and physical resources have been low–and for a reason. Even though it is hard, I thank Him so much that I know Him and am loved and cared for by my gracious Heavenly Father. There is no where to go but Him. It is at times like these that I do need Him to take my chin and lift my face toward Him reminding me of who He is and reminding me of His truth. This morning and this week I have been reminded that I need to make margins for health. Sometimes my page has got writing all over it–no margins. I allow myself to be pulled here and there, and I end up completely spent with not much to show for it. In forming this new ministry non-profit ( I have a name–Women’s Discipleship Concepts), caring for Greg and picking up slack at home, meeting with women and helping with camps this summer, I have to look at how to create some margins.
Please pray for me as I spend time with the Father. Pray that I remember to remain in Him. That the truth of the gospel be at all times in my heart and mind.

Real joy and perserverence

This morning, I stopped in my tracks as I read this blog. I have been convicted more and more lately that I choose the easy way out. I choose to speak truth far more to those who I know will take it well or who I know agree theologically with me. I self-protect by reading people and situations. Basically, I am a coward.
I am amazed that God’s grace reaches to my cowardice and picks me up, and he renews me each day. I cling and pray for boldness, for courage, and then, again, I choose the safest way out. I am glad that I am a work in progress being shaped into his image more and more each day. The truth of his gospel revives me in the now. Reading Foxes Book of Martyrs humbles me, and thinking of those persecuted around the world does as well.
As I read the cited blog, I am thankful for those daily who say the hard things. Nothing good comes without a cost. We were promised high cost in God’s word, but it is cost with everlasting reward of the riches of Christ through eternity. There is a battle in my mind daily of whether I will treasure Christ more or the temporal things of this world which include new stuff in my house, cool food, financial “safety” and being liked and respected here on earth.
Truthfully, sometimes I live defeated thinking I am not enough…and I am right in thinking that. I have no hope without Christ, and in him, God looks on me without condemnation (Romans 8:1) and Fathers me growing me to be more like his son. For some reason, I default to thinking I have to do things on my own, and I forget the amazing Sovereignty of God. He grows me and leads me and imparts grace and love and discipline. There is no way I can get it together before him…only in him. He chose to deal with me, a mess, and he graciously leads me everyday through the power of the cross of Christ.
I am thankful for men and women who lead the way in living lives of boldness. The man who wrote the blog was bitter and hurting and desperate and his pastors and persevering friends continued to boldly and loving share the truth about God and his word standing with him when he did not want the “with”. The easiest thing to do would be to bring a casserole, shake one’s head in empathy and get the heck out of Dodge–especially when that may be what the people want. We don’t like the messiness of other’s lives because it reminds us of the messiness of our own that we may be trying to avoid. When Jesus said to “love your neighbor as yourself,” don’t you think this was the kind of love he meant? We tend to think of it as make people feel comfortable, but the greatest love may be losing your reputation and comfort in order to point them to the greatest truth–the greatest hope. That is what happened in the situation…the man knows Jesus in a far greater way now.
I think back on the past year of my life. There are people I tried to bear with in love and speak truth to, but most of the time, I followed their lead. If they pulled away after I pushed in, I let them. I know sometimes it happens that way, but is that the greatest love? I pray today for the faithfulness to love God with everything and love my neighbor as myself through the power of the Cross. When I falter, I pray for the strength to cling on in him. May I learn to count everything as loss in comparison to the riches of Him who called me.

Fascinating listen

On our way to camp, Greg and I listened to a great series on church history from the time of Christ to the present. Amazing. In the process of listening, I learned a lot, was overwhelmed, ashamed, thankful, frustrated, and wanted to worship the Almighty God.
What I learned or was reminded of:
God is Sovereign and I am amazed that I even know His name.
Everybody gets it wrong on some count…and those who cling to the truth as the gospel as the center seem to be most “preserved,” but we still cling to God’s preservation of the saints. (Because, as humans, we have grand ways of screwing things up)
When church and state “work together” it is a horrible idea.
When there is a lack of persecution of the saints, that causes laziness and lack of pursuing the truth strongly–in other words, we get off of the path of the gospel. We become about ourselves and not Christ.
Bold, truthful proclamation of the gospel–God’s holiness, our sin, his wrath, his great mercy through the atoning work of Christ, etc is what changes lives–not the manipulation of points by humans.
That the atrocities brought on by the “church” (and atrocities is a mild word) were usually not about the gospel but about power and human control.
I am reminded of the crazy ways that I have been “off” in my history–just like the church, and I cling mightily to the all sufficient mercy and grace of Christ. I stand right now on his word, in humility, knowing there are ways that I am walking in sin that I am not even aware of–and some that I am.

If you have a chance (say a long car trip, plane ride, etc), take a listen to this series–Tommy Nelson, Denton Bible Church. They have it on their website. There is a cost. ($13 for the whole series) It is worth it just to know for your personal walk and to converse with others who do not know Christ.

PCB–where to get “good” airbrush art

I have been in Panama City Beach for a long weekend with Greg as he spoke at Prestonwood Baptist Church’s senior high camp. A good time was had by all. Even though it was tempting, I restrained from purchasing any airbrushed items. The place takes me back to the only airbrushed item I have ever commissioned–a konga hat with the name “Foxy Coxy” on it. I was at camp with my church, and I had aquired that nickname earlier in the summer. I just shake my head now that I reflect on my brazenness. It was actually a second grade kid who yelled “Foxy Coxy come to Popsi” mistakenly at my mom…and I inherited the name. My friend, Stephen, actually gave him the idea. I continued in my lack of discernment when I told people in college about the nickname. There is something about being in PCB or Gatlinburg that causes people to throw their money away at items which they will never wear or bear to look at again…unless of course you are into the airbrushed license plates…to quote Seinfeld, “not that there’s anything wrong with that!”